Surviving the Bloom
A couple of weeks ago my sister decided she wanted to start a garden in her backyard. I, not realizing how much work it would actually be, immediately offered to help out. We talked about what type of vegetables and herbs we would grow, she did all this research, and I waited for her to be done to fill me in LOL. When she was, she came back to me with all these rules about how to properly garden; rules I never considered. She said we have to be mindful of how deep and close we plant each vegetable, what we plant next to each other, the seasons in which they flourish most and so much more. It was a lot but at that point I was actually excited and committed to making this work so when we started I followed her directions to a T. We planted tomatoes, peppers, beans, squash, garlic, basil, thyme, oregano, and rosemary. I’m probably missing something but you get the point. The whole process took about 3 and a half hours and it was a lot but it was worth it to know that I did what I needed to do to give these little babies their best chance! So I was happy, and I am excited to continue caring for them until they produce something great. After spending all that time working in the garden, I began thinking about how I could apply these new rules to real life. You all should know by now how much I love my little metaphors…..
We are all the gardeners of our own destiny, we sow seeds of friendship, love, and support and we decide how fruitful they will be. One of the vegetables we planted in our garden was string beans. When planting them, we had to be sure they were just about 2 inches deep while the holes we dug for our tomatoes on the other hand were significantly deeper. In the garden of your life you must determine who and what is meant to be a bean verses a tomato. Some relationships will be deeper than others so the amount of energy you exert for a certain person should be based on that. And this is OK, because both types of relationships can feed you. I recently realized how important it is to manage expectations based on the depth of the relationship or situation. There is nothing worse than preparing yourself to taste one food only to get a mouthful of another.
One thing that all the veggies we planted had in common is very specific spacing; our garden kit even came with a tape measurer. Vegetables must be spaced out enough to ensure there is enough room for everything to grow without getting in each other’s way. The same can be said for relationships. Setting clear boundaries and allowing yourself the room to grow on your own is a must. And with those boundaries in mind, it’s important to be mindful of what or who you allow to grow around you. For example, my sister decided she wanted to plant the herbs in pots, which meant we had less space to spread them out. Because of this we had to figure out which could go in the same pots. Apparently, herbs like rosemary, oregano, and thyme like a well-drained soil which means they can grow nicely together. But herbs that like plenty of water, like mint, wouldn’t be able to thrive in that kind of environment. Knowing who belongs in my pot is something I am still working through. Uprooting those who no longer belong has never been my strong suit but if I am on a personal journey to grow myself spiritually and emotionally, I have to be able to let go of people and things that no longer serve me.
When we first started talking about the garden my sister and I came up with a long list of veggies but after her research she found that not everything can grow in the spring or summer time. Some things, like cabbage, are better grown in the fall. Same to be said about relationships. There’s a saying: people are in your life for either a reason, a season, or a lifetime. While most of us are specifically seeking those life-long vibes, the chance of every single person who comes into your life remaining by your side forever is unrealistic. But honestly that’s not the only relationship that grows you as a person. I personally believe seasonal relationships get a bad rap. Don’t get me wrong, my day 1 friends mean everything to me. But I also appreciate the friends that I can go months without seeing but when we link up it’s like we didn’t even miss a beat!
So now, after purposeful and mindful deliberation, I’m deciding to be a little pickier when it comes to all of my relationships. Whether it be a friend I’ve known for 15 years or 15 months, I am training myself to ask the following questions so that I know I am doing all I can to produce a prolific garden of love, support, and friendship. I would encourage you to reflect and ask yourself the same questions:
Am I being mindful of what this person can bring to the table or am I expecting depth from someone who doesn’t know how to provide it?
Am I being mindful of the space I need to grow as an individual and vice versa?
Am I being mindful of the type of energy I’m surrounding myself with?
Am I being mindful of when it’s time to let go?
I honestly believe that the four questions listed above will save a person so much heartache and pain when it comes to establishing and maintaining a healthy and prosperous bond with anyone. Life is not meant to be done alone, it’s meant to be shared. It can be beautiful, vibrant, and fruitful. So take the time decide what type of fruits, vegetables, and flowers you want in your garden, sow the seeds, put in the work water the leaves and then all that’s left to do is bloom. ~